Tuesday, December 18, 2012


Christmas One-Liner Jokes
  • When you stop believing in Santa Claus is when you start getting clothes for Christmas.
  • What is the Christmas greeting for sheep in Mexico? Fleece Navidad
  • What do you get when you cross an archer with a gift-wrapper? Ribbon hood
  •  What goes HO, Ho, Swoosh, Ho, Ho, Swoosh? Santa Claus caught in a revolving door.
  • What do you call Santa's helpers? Subordinate Clauses
  • What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite.
  • What do monkeys sing at Christmas time? Jungle bells, jungle bells.
  • Why are Christmas trees like bad knitters? They both drop their needles.
  • What did the bald man say when he got a comb for Christmas? Thanks, I'll never part with it.
  • Why is a burning candle like being thirsty? Because a little water ends both of them.
  • What do you get when you cross and apple with a Christmas tree? A pineapple.
  • What do you give a train driver for Christmas? Platform shoes.
  • What did the big candle say to the little candle? I'm going out tonight.
  • If athletes get athletes foot, what do astronauts get? Missletoe.
  • What's the best thing to give your parents for Christmas? A list of what you want next year.
  • A Christmas thought: STRESSED is just DESSERTS spelled backwards.
  • What kind of pine has the sharpest needles? A porcupine.
  • Where did the mistletoe go to become rich and famous?            Holly-wood.
  • What's red and white and red, red and white, and red and white? Santa Claus rolling down a hill.
  • What did Adam say on the night before Christmas? It's Christmas, Eve.
  • What do vampires put on their turkey at Christmas time?         Grave-y.
  • Who is never hungry at Christmas? The turkey --- he is always stuffed.
  • What did the Eskimo sing at the Christmas party? Freeze a jolly good fellow.
  • What happened when Santa's cat swallowed a ball of yarn? She had mittens.
  • How does Santa Claus take pictures? With his North Pole-aroid
  • Why didn't the skeleton go to the Christmas party? Because he had no body to go with.
  • Why did the little boy push his bed into the firplace? He wanted to sleep like a log.
  • Why was Santa's little helper depressed? Because he had low elf-esteem.
  • What was wrong with the little boy's electric train toy set? Forty feet of track --- all straight.
  • Father to little child, "No, a reindeer is not a horse with TV antenna"
  • What did the Christmas light say to the other Christmas light? You light me up.
Wishing everyone a very blessed