too busy for us and is ALWAYS there when
we call upon Him!
Voicemail
Most of us have now learned to live with "voicemail" as a necessary part of our daily lives. But have you ever wondered what it would be like if God decided to install voicemail? Imagine praying and instead of hearing God speaking to your heart you hear the following:
Thank you for calling Heaven.
For English ... press 1
For Spanish ... press 2
For all other languages ... press 0 and someone will be with you shortly.
Please select one of the following options:
Press 1... for Requests
Press 2 ... for Praise
Press 3 ... for Complaints
I am sorry. All of our Angels and Saints are currently busy at the moment helping other sinners. However, your prayer is important to us and it will be answered in the order it was received. Please stay on the line.
If you do not know your Heavenly Represntatives extension, and you would like to speak to:
God ... press 1
Jesus ... press 2
Holy Spirit ... press3
If you would like to hear King David sing a Psalm while you are holding ... press 4
To find a loved one that has been assigned to Heaven ... press 5-- then enter the date of their Heavenbound departure, followed by the pound (#) key. (Please note-- if you receive a negative response, please hang up and dial 666.)
For reservations into Heaven ... please enter J-O-H-N, followed by the number 3:1-6
For answers to nagging questions about dinosaurs, the age of the earth, life on other planets, and where Noah's Ark is, please wait until you arrive.
Our computers show that you have already prayed today. Please hang up and try again tomorrow. If you are praying on a Friday, we will be not be here during the weekend, but you may pray again on Monday after 12:00 am.
If you are calling after hours and need emergency assistance, please contact your local pastor.
Thank you and have a Heavenly day!